For Christmas this year, my youngest brother gifted us a new (to us) fisheye lens… and OHMAN have we had some fun with it. I’ll be posting some more silly pictures from the fisheye soon, but here are a couple of photos that the hubster took the other day while we were hanging around the house.
Posted in Everyday Life, Nish Happens, Photography
Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.
George Eliot
Posted in 31 Days, Photography
We drive long out to the coast and wind along rivers and steep embankments and Rowan eats his snacks in the backseat. Erik says something about how fun it will be when the little guy has someone to play with someday and my mind flashes all white with fear and my skin follows. That burgeoning belly of mine has seen its battles and pregnancy is not kind to my body. I know I’ll have to stare that fear in the eyes someday in the future, but I can’t wrap my mind around another baby with bottles and swaddles and sleepless nights.
We walk out onto the chilly Oregon coast and put our feet in the sand and the waves roar and crash boldly into boulders and I wonder how Rowan likes it. I take off his shoes and let his toes crunch the sand and the noise startles him. Tiny hands reach for the column of my jeans.
I crouch down and point to the water and then pick up the sand and let it fall through my fingers. I tell Rowan that God knows the number of grains on this beach & the number of hairs on his head & how his fingernails grow all crooked like his mama’s. He takes a few steps away from me, bravery seeping in with every sandy footprint, turns to smile at the camera and I can’t believe how big he’s grown.
Didn’t I just birth you, son? In that quiet, dark hospital room? Your waxy head rested underneath my chin and I remember I couldn’t believe how tiny your hands were. Now here you are, running on the sand and up and down the ramp to the parking lot and I can’t seem to keep up with your speed and your energy wears me down by noon. You used to rest so well. We don’t get much rest anymore, but I can’t complain.
On the way home, we take a detour through the old Redwood Forest and we walk along the bristled path and Rowan charges up ahead.
He’s swallowed up whole by the monstrous trunks and even the ferns wisp over the little blonde head as he tumbles on. It’s still in the forest and Erik speaks softly about reverence and the desire to be quiet as we walk… then Rowan lets out a squeal and points to a plant and tells it his story. There’s no containing his excitement and I let it roll.
He darts behind trees and his big eyes take in the wonder of the forest and I drink him in, trying not to think about how much time as gone by. I try hard to focus in on his tiny frame against the big trees and be reminded of his still-smallness.
Erik leans against a fallen trunk and I watch him care for the boy and I’m so grateful I’m not in this alone. I’ve been joined to this man whose strength runs deep where mine is shallow. As we walk further down the soaked-in trail, tears brim up with thanks and a deep love that only a wife knows and somehow, I manage to harbor them back into the whites of my eyes. I pray quietly – for the thankfulness to pump strong should my heart ever grow cold.
Rowan powers on and looks up in wonder at the green canopy above while I look on with my own mother-wonder. That white fear from our earlier drive is replaced with astonishment at how in the world I could ever love another child as much as this? Could there ever be room in my heart for another?
I smile and look down at the dirt on my feet as we loop around and start the climb back to the car. I decide that those questions are for another day. The only thing I can ask is this: how to slow down life? How does it happen so fast and how has twenty months gone by?
I look at the small boy, so independent but not fully… and I grieve that I struggle with motherhood. I wish I had the answers every day and I wish I didn’t stumble around and grasp for strength. His face is so innocent, full of that wonder and he deserves the best of me and I ache with knowing that too many days have passed where I didn’t give it to him. I look up into the green canopy and whisper quiet prayers of help and need because I’m small, too. I’m not tall and strong enough to grow up this boy to be the man he’ll need to be.
But maybe that’s the real journey… the every day recognition of my own smallness. Understanding that I’ll never have all of the answers and that I was never expected to.
If I was strong enough on my own, why the prayers that rise up the tree trunks? What need would I have for the One who whispers His glory and grace into forests?
Into that strong lover’s embrace?
Into these tired mama bones?
Into sparkling baby eyes?
Today, I’ll find my rest in the never-ending journey and keep my eyes wide open for the joys only a mother can know.
I’ll find rest in the adventure that reminds me that I’m not strong enough or tall enough to do it right.
But He is.
Posted in Adventure, Marriage, Parenting, Photography
With the house on the market, summer fast approaching and our future as blurry as a foggy Oregon day, it’s oftentimes hard to feel any sense of “normal,” whatever that actually is. I feel like my heart is sand, it shifts and sweeps away with the wind, rarely grounded in its place. But I’ve been working hard to not let my emotions dictate my circumstance… and instead, just lift my head and open my eyes to the beautiful things in front of me.
I have this adorable kid with eyes that can melt icebergs. His face is perfection to me.
He plays with his favorite blocks every day and I cry a little bit upon realizing his new independence.
We put Curious George in the John Deere truck and push him around the carpet.
On the rare sunny morning, I’m able to catch the warm sun hitting our ever-present bowl of fruit in the most beautiful way.
I make a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies about once a week… apparently, they leave a good impression on potential buyers. I confess that I could probably produce more cookies if I didn’t eat half the dough beforehand.
Rowan eats a bowl of yogurt with fruit every day after his nap for his snack. And he’s gotten the hang of eating it. He wears less and less yogurt every day.
Some days, I’ll even let him watch some cartoons while he eats. And he actually laughs appropriately at the funny parts.
I leave the blocks scattered on the floor until bedtime. Toys well-scattered means it was a day well-played.
Dishes sit in the sink longer than I care to admit.
This particular dog sits perched, waiting for Rowan to drop something from his tray, and I question his loyalty. Is it to the people, or to food? But then he sits next to us when we play on the floor and I’m reminded of his blind love for this family.
We haven’t had the heart to teach Rowan to close his mouth when giving people (or dogs) kisses. He’s a mouth-open kind of kid and we can’t help but smile and laugh.
And at the end of the day, when the dishes are done, the coffee is prepped for the morning, and the boy is asleep… I prop my head against the couch and breathe a heavy sigh and remember that life isn’t as crazy as I let my heart believe.
Posted in Blog, Photography
You know… just in case there was ever a question about whether or not I have the cutest child in the universe.
Posted in Parenting, Photography
I was sitting on the couch this morning with my coffee cup in-hand, glancing through the pictures that I’ve taken on my iPhone over the last month. It occurred to me that I very rarely post those pictures here for the world to see… which saddens me, because most of my everyday moments are captured with my phone. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But while I love my beautiful big Canon camera with the fancy lenses, sometimes the moment doesn’t allow for me to go grab it, turn it on and get it set right. I need a quick shot, right then.
So, here are a lot of snapshots at my life lately. In January, I traveled to Nashville to be a photographer and attender at Blissdom 2011.
I’ve hung out with my little boy child a ton. We spend our days together, and it’s been fun to watch him reach a couple more milestones. Like finding his bellybutton, among other important things.
I was treated to an incredible date night out with my handsome husband. We went to the Arlene Schintzer Concert Hall here in Portland to see the Broadway production of C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters (which is outstanding, by the way).
I’ve gotten a little more fashionable with my wardrobe. Kinda. Okay, not really. But I have friends that make pretty things and I’m a sucker for good kicks.
We’ve had CRAZY weather here in the Northwest. We had snow, then we had a glimpse of Spring with some sunshine (in Portland! In February! Sun!), then we had snow again today.
Every day, before he goes down for his afternoon nap, my kid crawls into my lap on the couch and we snuggle while we watch a small portion of a movie to mellow out. It has quickly become my absolute favorite part of the day.
And sometimes, on a good day, I find a way to treat myself.
Amongst all the day to day things, I have been enormously blessed. God continues to surprise me around every corner with His grace and I’m so thankful. For one, A Deeper Story – a place of passion and creativity come to life – has been nothing short of mind-blowing. The community that has grown in that space has changed my life. I’ve always believed in the power of Story, but that place has given that theory flesh and blood. When we use story and personal experiences to communicate passionate opinions, there is an underlying tone of Grace. Love. Understanding. It crosses the bridge of the ideological divide in a way that nothing else can. I’m so thrilled that it’s taken flight & so many people are encouraged by the stories shared.
Another thing I’m so excited to tell you about is Blog Sugar. It’s an intimate, one-night gathering in Southern California for bloggers to meet, encourage, network and learn together. I have not been fortunate enough to attend the previous two events, but I’m so excited & honored that Rachel asked me to be a speaker at Blog Sugar this year, in 2011. There’s a lot of details that are being trickled out in the coming weeks and months, but if you’re in the Southern California area, or you’re able to travel there, mark your calendars for September 25th. I’d love to meet you while I’m there!
Happy Friday, friends. And Happy Weekend!
Posted in Blog, Photography
I took a lot of photos on the 4th, and I’m not sure why I picked this one. I think it’s his cheeks and his lips. Could they be any cuter? I vote no.
Posted in Photography
Merry Christmas to the hubs. I cannot express to you how badly he needed new ski boots.
Posted in Photography
Because nothing says “Happy New Year!” quite like being airborne.
Posted in Photography
