Category Archives: Everyday Life

A day of days.

Yesterday was one of those days where I wanted to talk about how amazing it was… but I refrained for fear of jinxing it. And to be honest, the day wasn’t anything extraordinary. It was a regular day, but for the first time in a long time, I felt restful. Even in the midst of getting things done, it felt like life decided to slow down.

It was one of those days that reminded me of how much I love being a mother. How I don’t know life apart from my son and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The joy that he brings me is unspeakable.

It’s in the funny moments of climbing the playground while playing chase. Or him sitting next to me so we can share graham crackers. Or when he sits on a park bench and says “Hi!” to everyone that passes by, and has a full conversation in toddler babble. I don’t think a person walked by who didn’t smile and laugh and soak in his joy. 

I made banana bread during his nap… and it wasn’t even stress-baking! I just wanted something warm in the oven and I wanted my house to smell like home.

I sat on the couch with Madeline L’Engle’s Walking on Water and let her words wash over me a little more.

I watched the second half of the Bronco game to see Tim Tebow play like we all prayed he could (they lost, but MAN what a game!).

Erik came home early and I sat on the couch with my husband, drank my favorite autumn spiced tea while watching a cute indie romance flick.

We had spaghetti for dinner and Rowan went down to bed without a hitch as usual. I shared a bottle of wine with my man.

I’m learning that I need gentle days. I need time that’s slow. I need days where the laundry can wait and dinner can be something easy. I need moments to read and write.

I need to just be. 

Madeline L’Engle, in her infinite wisdom and gentle words, writes this:

I’ve long since stopped feeling guilty about taking being time; it’s something we all need for our spiritual health, and often we don’t take enough of it.

So, here’s to being time. Here’s to slow moments and ordinary days that feel extraordinary. Here’s to loving motherhood with every fiber of our hearts. Here’s to joy. Here’s to remembering what Sabbath should feel like.

May our days be gentle with us this week.

 

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Nish

→ 3 Comments

Posted in 31 Days, Everyday Life, Parenting

A Friday rundown.

It’s been sunny and warm in southern Oregon. I’ve been soaking up the last of summer’s rays, trying not to rush into fall. It’ll come soon enough, with everything turned red and gold and smelling of pumpkin and burning leaves. But for now, I still sweat a little when reading out on the back porch. I still wear my sandals and shorts and my skin still feels sun-drenched.

……………..

Tomorrow, I’ll fly to southern California, where I’ll be until Monday. I’m speaking on Sunday, about “Testing Boundaries: Writing with authenticity and contending with the backlash.” That’s my session title. I’m excited to have good conversation with women about how we can address important issues without pissing people off. I plan on sharing the content in my session in a series of posts here, because I think it’s a needed discussion.

……………..

I’ve been considering doing a 31 Days series with these lovelies. The only problem is that I’d have to blog every day, for 31 days in October. Foreseeable problems include: Packing up a house, moving to another state, moving into the new house, traveling to Pennsylvania, managing Deeper Story, and other general life events. Am I crazy? Or would a 31 Days series spark life back into this space? Or are both things true? I just might go for it… but it would probably be 31 Days of Just Random Blogging Because I’m In Survival Mode and Don’t Have Time for Anything Else. Or something. We’ll see.

……………..

I put in an order with Amazon for my first two Madeline l’Engle books, Walking on Water and A Circle of Quiet. I feel like some sort of creative and writing failure for having never read her books, outside of the Wrinkle in Time series. Based on the enthusiastic reviews and excitement of my friends, I’ll probably have much to say about the books. I’ll write my thoughts here.

………………

If you haven’t popped over in a while, there has been some EPIC storytelling over at A Deeper Story lately. I always knew and believed that I gathered an impeccable group of writers there, but lately, they’ve been writing with a passion and fervor that I haven’t seen until now. Go & read a while. Also, keep an eye out… some new and exciting things happening there, soon.

………………

 

This little guy… my handsome boy with the perfect big brown eyes, is turning two in less than two months. I still can’t believe it. Why do they grow up so quickly? Why are we not given more time with their kissable cheeks and sticky hands and baby giggles? I’m trying to just soak him in lately. In all his wild, reckless ways.

 

What’s your rundown for the week?

 

Posted on September 23, 2011 by Nish

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog Sugar, Blogging, Everyday Life, Home, Parenting

On dreams becoming gifts.

A short week ago, we flew east into the mountain valley of Salt Lake City. We left Rowan behind with his uncle Matt, certain that we’d return to a distaster house and a toddler covered in something sticky. With just the two of us and a dream, we spent three and a half days away from Oregon, away from work, away from the vacuum cleaner and Tonka trucks.

It was supposed to be three days of house-hunting frenzy, but it turned into an unexpected deep breath of rest and vacation.

We arrived early Tuesday morning and picked up our rental car, which was kindly upgraded to a convertible at no extra cost to us (thanks, Avis!). The sun was bright at 4,200 feet and I let it warm my skin while my hair got tangled in the air. I wore my sunglasses, the ones that look like they belong in the Miami Vice wardrobe room.

I felt new.

We met with our realtor, a savvy business woman with a hilarious quick wit & bleach blonde hair. She sings in an all-women blues/jazz band called The Sister Wives. I love her.

One house after the other, we walked through. Partitioned rooms, corner lots, backyards, busy streets. Nothing struck us until we saw this one. The one:

It sits on a hill in the historic downtown area of the city. It’s 110 years old, but looks brand new. It’s got a red door, a yard, a space for planter boxes and a porch with a view of the mountains and skyline. Inside, it’s open with enough natural light to make me squint in the afternoon. It’s got big windows, beautiful columns and built-ins and a kitchen to envy.

It’s got exposed brick in the master bedroom. Two walls of it.

I repeat: IT HAS EXPOSED BRICK IN THE MASTER BEDROOM.

It’s got a tiered backyard with room for a trampoline and vegetables and two dogs. It’s got a little waterfall with a pond.

If you walk just five blocks to the west, you run into this view:

It’s an eclectic area of town. About a five minute drive to the University of Utah, a few blocks walk from the nearest coffee shop, and about a fifteen minute walk to the LDS temple. We are in the heart of the city… a place we never imagined five years ago.

But, here we are… offer accepted, escrow opened, and negotiating a few minor repairs, we’re set to close on September 28th. We’re set to move October 15th. Salt Lake City is soon to become our home.

With the spare time we had after finding the house, we drove into the mountains. We walked the main street of Park City, drove over the pass to Brighton and Solitude, down the freeway to Snowbird and Alta. From the base of Alta to the front door of our new house is a 40 minute drive. We are minutes from some of the best skiing in the country, the most beautiful mountain scenery west of Colorado:

Is this real? Is this my life? The story we’ve been waiting for two years to tell… has the page finally turned?

When is it okay to start believing in your own reality? When something you’ve been waiting for, dreaming of, hoping for, for so long finally happens – it’s like a shock to your system.

That’s where I am right now. Shocked.

My eyes wide and hazy with excitement.

Maybe this is what happens when a dream finally turns into a gift – the kind you can touch, feel, taste.

Or maybe the dream of Salt Lake was the gift, and we just needed to wait for permission to open it.

 

Posted on September 19, 2011 by Nish

→ 12 Comments

Posted in Adventure, Confessions, Everyday Life, Marriage

Oh how the world spins madly on.

I’m having trouble with writing here.

What to say when you’ve been given a new set of eyes?

I could write about our move out of one house and into another. I could write about the emotion of signing dotted lines and turning the page and starting new and cardboard boxes. But then I just think of the kids I saw on the side of the street who have no home to move in and out of.

I could write about Rowan and his inability to speak, and how it’s tying me up in knots of anxiety and it winds him up into frustrated frenzy. But then I think of the kids I met whose mothers abandoned them and nobody cared about whether or not they spoke. I think of the silent kids.

I could write about the long days and heavy hearts and how summer has outworn its welcome here. About how rafting season has once again taken its toll and we are ragged and worn through. But then I think of the family of 10 and the dad doesn’t have a job.

I could write about politics and how I’m fed up and nothing works and isn’t it all a joke? But then I think of the people who live under oppression with no freedom and even the policemen who swear to protect are crooked and corrupt and rob the dignity out from underneath their people.

I could write about our education system and how it doesn’t work and how I’m terrified of making choices for my child based on the options that we’re given. But then I think about the kids who don’t have options. I think about the young girls who have been killed because they want to learn. Or the kids who walk for two hours, some without shoes, to a school with little to no educational supplies. Or the teachers who live on less than a dollar a day, but continue to do so because they believe in the power of education.

Nothing sits right anymore. Nothing is the same. I hear words like “poverty fatigue” and it makes me laugh because we know absolutely nothing of the fatigue that poverty burdens on its victims.

What a horrible term. Poverty fatigue. Too tired to read about the poor.

You know what? I’m tired, too. I’m tired of being reminded everywhere I turn. I’m tired of not knowing how to reconcile what I experienced and how I live as an American. I’m tired of never knowing what to say.

But my friend, Ann, told me God has called me into this place. She told me to stay broken. Because we’re never broken for nothing. It’s always for something and it’s always for His good Name and Glory. I cling to that when I don’t know what to say.

I don’t want to become numb to the seeing. I don’t want to become desensitized to the pain. I need to know it and feel it because that’s fuel for action. I got my shot in the arm and every day I rip off the band aid with remembering.

Still, the world spins madly on and I spin, too, here in this life I’ve got with the furniture and air conditioned rooms and a fridge full of food. It’s all a gift, so maybe now I just work to steward it well. To count them out, one by one, each slice of good that sits on my plate.

Counting, again. 

291. Chilly mornings.

292. Finger paint & how it rarely ends up on paper.

293. New ideas for fresh ink on both skin and paper.

294. Modern medicine.

295. A cold Dr. Pepper on a hot day by the pool.

296. Shoes.

297. Small beads that help me remember to pray.

298. Dogs that snuggle when he’s gone.

299. Goodnight stories and goodnight kisses. 

300. Fresh starts.

 

photo

Posted on September 5, 2011 by Nish

→ 15 Comments

Posted in Bolivia, Everyday Life, Faith, Multitudes

What I’m Into. (with Megan.)

My friend and soul-sister from another mister, Megan, has this lovely post she does each month called, “What I’m Into.” She dives into what she’s reading, what she wants to read, what she’s watching, listening, loving… all of it… for that particular month.

You know I love sharing the goodness.

So I’m gonna jump in and do a little What I’m Into with her.

What I’m Reading:

Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman

Jesus, My Father, The CIA, and Me: A Memoir. . . of Sorts by Ian Morgan Cron

Freedom: a Novel by Jonathan Franzen

 

What I’m Listening To:

The Weepies (my Pandora station. It’s epic.)

Sara Groves – She just released a new record, called “Invisible Empires.” It’s lovely.

Sufjan Stevens “Missouri” – Revisiting this album.

The Civil Wars “Barton Hollow” – Because, duh.

 

On TV:

After years of resisting. Complaining. Not understanding. The universe has finally won its long-fought battle against me. I’m watching Mad Men, the entire series, on Netflix. I am hopelessly addicted. I hate all of you who are laughing hysterically at me right now.

Also, Anderson Cooper has a new daytime show coming out on September 12. I’m not much of a daytime TV person, aside for the headlines on GMA in the mornings. But, I’ll probably watch Anderson. Because… I mean… its Anderson Cooper. Really, people, does it need further explanation? I hope not.

 

In the Netflix Queue:

Paul – Yes, the alien movie. I love Simon Pegg. Get over it.

Somewhere – I’m a hopeless Sofia Coppola fan. Can’t wait to see this flick.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold – Morgan Spurlock is a documentary genius.

HappyThankYouMorePlease – I love a good indie flick with intertwining stories.

Get Low – Robert Duvall. Bill Murray. The end.

 

In Blogland:

Loved this piece on Q, “Motherhood as Vocation.” Yes. And amen.

Megan is also doing a series “This is where…” wherein she shares different parts of her home and life. Another series I’ll probably tap into soon. A summer version, then SLC version to show the transition.

My friend, and fellow Bolivia traveler, Rachel Held Evans, is doing this fantastic series of interviews. Her latest is Ask a Calvinist. Go check out the long list of folks she’s interviewed so far.

 

What I’m Looking Forward To:

House hunting in Salt Lake City. Yep, house in Portland is sold, closed and moved out. We are SLC-bound in October!

Rafting season winding down.

More writing time.

 

How about you?!

 

 

Posted on September 1, 2011 by Nish

→ 4 Comments

Posted in Everyday Life

I am.

I am woman.

I can roar louder than most, but I’d rather you hear my pumping heart, beating loudly with life and love that runs deep & thick through each vein.

I’m intelligent but not always logical.

I carry the weight of my hips & the weight of the world; I’m stronger than I look & I’m stronger than I feel.

I am made in the image of God and I am emotional. I don’t want to keep my feelings bound up in the bars of my ribcage.

Stop telling me it’s not okay to feel. Stop telling me it’s okay not to feel.

I am a relentless woman.

I am mother.

I have given birth. I have labored and pushed out life into this world with my own body and I am a partner in creations new.

I have nursed and fed and soothed and protected. I am a fearsome thing to behold. And even on the worst days, when the discipline track gets played on repeat, I hold a fierce love that could set a forest on fire with the smallest kindling.

I am survivor.

I have clawed my way through the valley of death and I did fear evil because it reigned in my mind. I continue to walk the hills of depression but I know that the hurt means I’m alive and isn’t that a gift?

My skin has been sliced and diced by words and knives alike and the scar tissue doesn’t numb the remembering but it makes me stronger than I was when I started.

Yes, I am a relentless woman.

I sit in the early mornings, hot coffee between my hands and I wonder how I’m going to avoid the shallow end of the pool today. I fear being too safe and I fear the risk. I am a contradiction but I walk it out and figure it out and learn that I need to say yes to the mess. Yes to the risk. Yes to really living it full.

Because this life… this one life I have & everything I pack into it is a gift.

I’m re-learning the graceful art of counting the gifts, the blessings.

I think of that quote, “What if you woke up tomorrow with only what you thanked God for today?”

And I am haunted.

I am reminded.

I am compelled.

I am counting.

Again.

 

281. Blank journal pages and a pen that works.

282. I have the most inspiring friends. Even the ones I haven’t met yet.

283. Hot coffee out of the french press.

284. The way the clouds settle in low on the hills, as only Oregon can provide.

285. Our house is selling – we close August 27th. A new adventure begins and a new family awaits us!

286. Tiny hands that reach for mama in the tired hours.

287. The gift of child sponsorship that so many will offer to kids in Bolivia.

288. A new suitcase. With wheels. And a handle that works.

289. Hot summer days spent by the pool, watermelon in hand.

290. The way he wraps his arms around me in the dark.

photo

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Nish

→ 20 Comments

Posted in Bolivia, Depression, Everyday Life, Multitudes, Nish Happens

Summer’s arrival.

Summer finally decided to show up in Oregon. Only yesterday did the temperature finally crack 90 degrees. It’s been too cold, too windy and too cloudy to do anything summery lately, but no longer.

It’s here. And I am READY.

Every year, I do a couple of things during the summer. They’ve become traditions for me, of sorts.

No makeup. Yeah, you heard me. I don’t wear makeup in the summer. On a really special occasion, I’ll throw on some mascara. But otherwise? I give my skin a break, embrace my freckles and just let it be.

Live with the sun as my clock. I go to bed when the night sky turns black and wake up with the sunrise. I try not to wear a watch if I can help it.

I write letters… of the handwritten variety. They’re personal, fun to write, and even more fun to receive.

I make a bucket list. A short but stout list of things I want to accomplish during the summer months. (That list is forthcoming).

 

What about you? Is there anything specific that you do every summer?

 

photo

Posted on June 22, 2011 by Nish

→ 10 Comments

Posted in Everyday Life

Gone, but not really.

So, I took a little hiatus here. However, I wasn’t entirely off the grid. I stopped by a few places during my time away, offering up some words, advice and thoughts on a whole variety of subjects.

Here’s the exhaustive list of my posts elsewhere during the break:

On enemies // A Deeper Story I wrote this post after the death of Osama bin Laden. It’s a commentary on the subsequent reaction by many evangelical Christians.

What No One Told Me Before Marriage: 7 Truths // The Good Women Project Lauren Lankford, a sweet friend, fellow writer at Deeper Story, and founder of The Good Women Project, asked me to offer up some thoughts about what I wish someone would have told me before I got married.

Surviving Distance // Diaper Diaries Jill, from Diaper Diaries has a weekly series called Marriage: Unwrapped. She asked if I would give some advice to women whose spouses travel a lot, are deployed, or work odd hours.

How to Read The News // The Tiny Twig One of my dearest blogging friends, Hayley, put together a great series called “Top Secrets,” which she has posted during her maternity leave after birthing her third boy, Asher. She asked if I would share my Top 10 Tips for reading & discerning the news. This post was one of the most fun for me to write, since I’m a total news nerd.

 

What about you? What did I miss while I was away?

 

photo

Posted on June 14, 2011 by Nish

→ 6 Comments

Posted in Creative Inspiration, Everyday Life

Odds and Ends.

1. I’m addicted to Pinterest. It is seriously the most glorious, amazing and beautiful time suck that I’ve ever encountered. I love the bookmarking system, I love sharing pins, and I love seeing what others find interesting. It’s a clever design and even more brilliant in how it actually works. If you haven’t given it a shot yet, you should apply for an invite. It’s still in Beta, I believe… which makes me excited for where Pinterest is headed. You can see my pins here: http://pinterest.com/theoutdoorwife. Fair warning: Don’t log into Pinterest unless you have at least an hour to kill.

2. Some of you know that I’m reading Rob Bell’s new book, “Love Wins.” I’ll leave it at that. Will I be offering up a review? Probably not. At least not in the formal sense. I might throw out a few ideas about the book in a post, but I’m not going bust out my theological prowess and write out a 20 page review of Bell’s presented ideas. That’s just not me. And frankly, I just don’t have the time. But, I know a lot of you have been interested in my thoughts about the book, and have asked me on Twitter… so I might write up a little something. We’ll see.

3. I’m in the thick of Lent. I’ve developed a very interesting and meaningful connection with Liturgy over the course of this season through Shane Claiborne’s Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals. I’ve been journaling my thoughts and participating in the prayers, and I’ve been surprised at how rich this practice has been. I feel very intimately connected, much more focused, and I find my spirit gaining a rhythm it’s never heard. I’ve been prompted to jump in with Megan, over at Sorta Crunchy. She’s blogging through the practice weekly and creating a community around the liturgy – which I’m finding is what it’s all about. To be in community with the Body through prayer. It’s beautiful, really.

4. Parenting Woes – We are neck-deep in Operation: Break Rowan from the Bottle. It’s been… interesting. He’s not a great eater to begin with, so it’s been a challenge. But right now we’re just working to establish a new consistent routine in hopes that he’ll adjust quickly. To say it’s been painless would be a bold-faced lie. It’s tough. He wakes up in the middle of the night because he’s hungry, he has no desire to drink milk from anything but a bottle, so the sippy has been a battle. And all of a sudden, he’s not stoked on drinking water either. Yeah. It’s been AWESOME. So, we’re plowing through, making due. He’s a champ though, and it’s not nearly as difficult as I imagined in my head. I think it’s been worse for me than it has for him, actually.

5. Our house still has not sold. And showings have dropped off significantly. If you are the praying type, we would certainly appreciate any that you would offer up on our behalf.

6. It’s March Madness.  GO DUKE.

Happy Monday!

Photo Credits: 1. 2. 3. 6.

Posted on March 21, 2011 by Nish

→ 9 Comments

Posted in Everyday Life

Life these days.

Things here… in our quiet house on the hill… have been all but quiet lately. Life has taken our home by storm and I find myself clinging to the doorframes, trying to keep my footing. Life has come dangerously close to knocking me down, but I’ve managed to hold just tight enough to keep things upright. But even as I stand clinging tight, nothing stops moving. It all seems to be going so fast, but when I grab a hold of the camera – everything slows, I soak in the moments, I become an attender of the present, rather than just a passerby.

The past few weeks, I’ve need to take time to capture the little glimmers of everyday life. I’m so scared of missing it.

Here in this house, we snuggle up next to dads in Ninja Turtle t-shirts to wind down the night with a movie.

And sometimes, we let it all hang out.

We kick our feet up at the end of the day.

I steal quiet moments for myself. I drink hot chocolate out of pretty Anthropologie cups while I sit and scribble out words.

I worship when God sends light through the windows in just the right places.

I pull out blankets when the ground is frosty and the fog settles in thick.

Sometimes, we hide behind the couch, hoping to be left alone. Just for a moment.

I take time to pour over cookbooks, looking for new and exciting food to try.

And sometimes, I forget to hide the camera before my husband gets home.

It’s these moments… these quiet still moments where everything slows to a quiet stop – when life stops raging out of the faucet, but rather drips tenderly out, drop by drop, picture by picture… it’s in these moments where my eyes are suddenly wide open, my senses heightened, my heart fills up & pours out.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around once in a while, you might miss it.” -Ferris Bueller

Posted on February 10, 2011 by Nish

→ 17 Comments

Posted in Blog, Everyday Life