Category Archives: Adventure

Erik had the car running outside in the garage. It was early. 4:00am-kinda-early.

My bags were loaded in the trunk of the hatchback and I quietly slipped back inside the house and made my way to Rowan’s door.

I put my ear against the cold painted wood and listened – I could hear him breathing heavily in his sleep on the other side. I turned the knob slowly and walked in, the hallway light just barely warming the room.

Standing next to the crib, I saw his back rise and fall with each deep breath he took.

I sat down on the carpet and pressed my forehead against one of the slats of crib. There he was, I could see him clearly through the planks. His face puffy with sleep, eyes closed, cheeks flushed pink.

I knew.

I knew from the moment I said yes to going on this trip that I would find myself in this place. Sitting on the carpet, trying to get my face as close to his as I could, just one last time before walking out the door. I knew that I would have to say goodbye to my son in order to find help for even just one more child in Bolivia.

The goodbyes always carry dread. Tears flow hot and my own breath is caught in my lungs and I tighten my chest to keep the sobs from barreling out of my mouth.

But with the dread of goodbye, I anticipate deep joy.

I’ll be with a team of nine others and we’ll visit and love and see how lives are changed through World Vision. Not only do I feel deeply connected to my fellow travelers, I know I am partnering with the One who sustains.

He is already doing a great work in here Bolivia. I’m just along for the ride. And that, my friends, is a joy to know and believe.

So now, I type this from an altitude of 13,000 feet in La Paz, my legs spread stretched on a hotel bed and my luggage strewn about the room.

I’m tired, my bones ache from the hours of sitting, I have a 4:30am wake-up call and the air here is thin. But, we’re here. We’ve made it into the country with absolutely no problems and I am praising God for it all.

And with a full heart bursting at the seams, I’m going to bed.

More soon. Next stop, Cochabamba.

I was born with wanderlust pumped thick into my blue veins and extra weight in my heels to make digging in a little easier. I’ve dreamed big dreams of flying in airplanes, putting my hands on the small, cold windows and yet I take those same hands and clench tight around my fears, refusing to loosen the grip.

When it comes to risk and dreams, I’ve been a walking contradiction my whole life.

I’m not sure what’s different this time around. That gentle Holy whisper that speaks “Go,” or maybe it’s the mischievous smile from my husband when I told him “I don’t wanna.” Something stirred deep in my soul when World Vision asked me to go with them to Bolivia and I begged God to just tell me clearly: Should I go?

I know nothing of poverty. What would I see? And do I really want to see it? Can I handle the weight of seeing?

I talk a big game about wanting to make a difference and get my hands dirty with the hard work of serving. I want to learn, to understand and be a part of something bigger than myself. To be broken of my western, American insulation and exposed to the needs of the world… and to respond.

But, the skin on my hands is soft and it’s cold here in my air-conditioned bedroom. My hands have never worked the hard labor of so many in Bolivia. I’m afraid of seeing too much and I’m scared of feeling guilty about these weak suburban-raised, privileged hands.

I’m afraid that these hands, even when spread wide with everything I can offer, will be too little, too late. Not enough. I have deeply believed the lies that tell me I’m not enough.

And so for a week, I sat on that ledge of going and not going. I balanced clumsily, not sure where I was going to land. I came up with about ten thousand reasons not to go (it’s too soon, in the middle of rafting season, getting a passport would be tough, I’ll have to leave my guys for 8 days, I’ll be going without Erik, and and and…), but they all made the reasons to go seem even bigger and more important. The going started to outweigh the staying and I got bone-rattling scared.

Mae West said, “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

I want to do it right, this one life I’ve been gifted. To pack each moment full of life and risk. I want to empty those same moments of the fears I’ve held too close. To lay down my comfort, heart and life for the sake of others. To speak for those whose voices are drowned out by the roaring burdens of poverty and injustice.

My typed-out lines are small. I’m not an influencer or leader. I’m not a theologian or gifted speaker.

I’m a wife who doesn’t love deep enough and a mother who gets it wrong every day. My grace is lacking and I fight the bitterness of unbelief.

These hands… the ones that wipe down counters at night and stroke the back of a sleeping toddler and knead bread that goes into the oven… these hands and everything I have to offer, will never be enough. But it’s never been about me and what I have to offer on my own, has it?

So I do what I can and I open these hands, spread the fingers wide with offering, lifted up with palms up, praying that my small voice here and there would only speak His words. And I pray that the words I manage to type out would reach out to you. That somehow He would move you, too, as you come with me to Bolivia to meet the kids who need you. You with your own hands raised and spread wide open in offering.

I hopped down off that ledge of going and staying and ended up falling face-first into going. Because it’s not about me, or you. It’s about Jesus breathing in and through us, pouring out His hope into Bolivia, one child at a time.

So, I’m traveling with World Vision and a team of unbelievably talented & passionate bloggers to the country of Bolivia, where I’ll see the work of World Vision firsthand, meet and love the people and children, and I’m sure, be changed forever.

You can follow my journey in three places: here, A Deeper Story, and the World Vision blog.

I’m traveling with these incredible bloggers, along with Carla, Lindsey and Michael from World Vision, and Amy, our trip photographer:

We’ll all be posting on our individual spaces (and Joy and I will be doubling up at Deeper Story, too). You can also follow our collective journey on the World Vision Blog.

We don’t leave until July 30th, which is a short month away. I feel like I’m going to need the whole month to prepare my heart and eyes for what I’m going to see and experience. I’m grateful for the time I have.

During this waiting time, while we all tap our fingers and nervously await the moment of leaving, would you pray? Pray for the group, pray for me, and perhaps pray about sponsoring a child from Bolivia?

More soon, friends.

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