I knew, upon moving to Salt Lake City, that I was moving to be a part of a community. It’s a unique one… one that values the messy and real things of life. It’s a community that challenges each other and grows alongside each other and we watch each other flourish and transform.
Shortly after our move, we found ourselves jumping into the small group (or House Church, as we call it) that met in our neighborhood. It was one of the largest groups in the community and it was in the middle of some major changes, leadership and location, being the biggest. It was only a month later that we were asked to host the group in our home.
Providing a space for people to gather is easy for me. It brings me joy & a sense of purpose. Hospitality is a gifting of mine and having a house full of people doesn’t stress me out at all. There’s always coffee ready to be poured in our house, and our front door is always open to whoever wants to stop by.
I like providing a space for people to meet, to talk, to challenge each other, to grow together and for people to spread their wings and try new adventures.
The same is true for everything I do online. Specifically, A Deeper Story.
A year ago, I wanted to provide a space that nobody had provided yet. A space where writers who love Jesus could gather, talk about hard issues & messy ideas with grace and an abundance of love. A place where newer writers could find their voice and cultivate it alongside people they trusted. A place where writers could be unafraid to really let it fly… where creative control was really theirs, where nobody sliced and diced their pieces before they were published.
I wanted to offer a space where writers could be a little bit Banksy: Paint powerful word pictures of Truth & human experience on an unlikely canvas.
And so, I did what I’m good at: I simply provided a space. The rest is history and all the credit for any sort of growth & influence needs to go straight to the sensational writers that fill that space every week.
Since its inception, A Deeper Story HAS seen exponential growth and depth. The writers have gotten even more bold and more raw with their words. The mess really shows some days, but the beauty of Truth is always between the lines.
Voices have been found – not just by their owners, but by publishers. Editors. Agents. Print and online publications.
And I guess that’s the nature of the thing, really. When you provide enough space for wingspan, eventually they’re going to use it and fly.
And then, you’re the one being left behind.
I’ve struggled with that lately. As book deals get offered, articles get reprinted elsewhere, speaking opportunities are presented, paid blogging gigs roll in, I have found myself with my feet firmly planted on land, seemingly unable to get myself even halfway up a tree, let alone in the sky.
But after some serious thought, prayer, and long conversations with people, I’m learning that it’s okay to be on the ground, cultivating the land for things to grow and building runways for inevitable takeoff.
Maybe I don’t need to be a star player in the game. Maybe I simply need to build stadiums so the game can be played at all.
I think that’s where I’m most needed right now.
I have a million ideas for book proposals, posts and written pieces. Perhaps one day, I’ll put them to good use and see where takes me. But for this moment, maybe being an architect is the best gig of all.
I can tell you one thing. Watching everyone fly and thrive and flourish makes for one hell of a view. I think I’m going to enjoy it for a while.
Thanks for this post. It’s just what I needed to hear today.
Thanks, Erin, for reading.
Nish, I want you to know that I know your words. I know your experience. I often see myself & gifts and know that I too am good at providing space. I’m gifted beyond providing space, but often, when I’m at the most peace with God, I sense that providing a place for others to find themselves, to flourish & to be known–it brings me the greatest satisfaction.
I often wonder why? Why do other people get the blessing that I feel I deserve? Sounds so arrogant when I put it out there, but it’s true. It truly is a gift to give when we get to be seated to fan the flames of others while they take flight. Abundant blessings to you as the architect. And that gift of hospitality, of making people feel welcome wherever you find yourself–oh man, that’s the Kingdom stuff right there.
Kamille, I so appreciate your comment here. It’s a hard thing to let go of, that desire for success… especially when you spend so much time cultivating a space that provides so many others with success. You know? Grateful for you & your encouragement.
I have been a “lurker” on Deeper Story since it started. Every week my heart is pricked or my gut punched with the raw reality shared in that space you have crafted. It has stretched me and challenged me and for that I thank you. You gifted in building beautiful stadiums.
Thanks so much, Karen. I’m so glad that Deeper Story has made an impact. That’s all God’s grace, right there. I appreciate you telling me that you enjoy it so.
Nish,
I can totally appreciate where you’re at – while I’m new (again, sort of) to the blogging scene, book deals and paid blogging roles seem like dream-lights dancing out of reach. This is especially hard because my mum, who has been published but stopped writing a long time ago now, is a fantastic writer and it was not easy for her to find a publisher – so I know first hand the trouble and despair she went through over book proposals and writing deadlines.
But you have provided a space that was and is still needed. You have made it a safe place. You are expanding that space. While you may not be seeing any benefit to that by way of publishing agents pounding on your door, please know that you are a blessing, and you are blessing others.
I’m glad that you’ve found a peace in the space you’re at, though I can’t help but feel that this “grounding” is only temporary.
And thank you.
Bekka, thank you so much for this lovely note here. I’m not sure where the journey will take me next, but I’m finding that the worry seems to disappear if I just thank God for the gift and enjoy it while I can.
I know the feeling well. Thank you for putting it so beautifully into words. Thank you for the reminder that I’m serving where I’m needed right now…
I feel like I need to be reminded daily! Thanks for reading the words, Gretchen.
Most people like to pretend they don’t struggle with this, but you’re one of the brave, honest ones- this we already knew.
Contentment is so slippery. It especially likes to wriggle away when you’ve got your head down and you’re working diligently at your own thing, I find. I can hardly look up without seeing somebody “pass by.”
But then I remember, I have tiny children. It wouldn’t do them any justice to have big things plopped in my lap right now. So, I place those shiny dreams safely on my shelf and tell myself it’s only a matter of time. Big things will come.
Yes, Yes, Yes! Tiny children. My small boy… what would my life – my heart – look like if my nose was to the grindstone all day, trying to muscle out a book? When I reflect on that, I realize that now is not the time at all. I don’t think I could do it. Thanks for encouraging me.
YES. THIS. “But then I remember, I have tiny children. It wouldn’t do them any justice to have big things plopped in my lap right now. So, I place those shiny dreams safely on my shelf and tell myself it’s only a matter of time. Big things will come.”
Thank you for stating that so eloquently, so perfectly. It was a breath of fresh air to read.
You and I could talk deep about this friend. We hear a lot about how we should focus more on being happy for other people’s success, but the reality is that it’s hard to watch everyone but you do what you dream of doing.
This is what I think: You and me? God sees our hearts and knows that maybe we have to learn things the hard way. There’s more grace and more of Him FOR US in the journey He has us on than if He were to drop “the goods” into our laps the way it seems to happen to everyone else. Sometimes the knowing of that gives me the kick in the pants I need to keep going…sometimes it just plain stinks and hurts. Be He’s still worth the effort.
Much love friend.
Thanks so much for this, Brooke. Yes – maybe our way is just going to look different? And that’s okay. I like different.
I started to type so many responses, but all I can really say is: totally. Creating space. Facilitating. Yes.
I think its especially hard to be content when it comes to comparing successes and where we WANT to be (where someone else is). I’m struggling with that daily now in the world of writing and blogging and found encouragement in your words (a “someone else” in my world!). Purpose is tricky.
Good words!
Purpose is so tricky! Thanks for reading, Natalie. It’s good to know we’re not alone in this!
Boy, do I get this. Oh, yeah. I’ve spent most of this year writing my little ol’ heart out – both on my own blog, and adding notes of encouragement all over the blogosphere. I’m delighted to have made some real friendships and to have even met some of my small cyber-circle in person. But… I’m out there on my own most of the time. I don’t get much traffic, and I definitely feel like there is very little room for older voices out here.
But here’s the thing: I’m coming to see that there is good work to be done simply by encouraging others, there is something powerful in writing your heart out just because you’re writing your heart out – regardless of your traffic. And Nish, YOU are doing excellent work, you are creating an encouraging space for people to be real, you are finding good writers, you are building an amazingly successful platform, you are spectacularly encouraging of others and it shows. The rest will come – I do believe that for you. The rest will come. Thanks for putting it out here – seeing your name in my inbox is always a pleasure. Someday I will see it on my Kindle, too. Sure of that.
Oh, thank you so much, Diana, for your strong words of encouragement here. I’m SO with you – may we keep writing our hearts out… simply for the purpose of writing our hearts out.
I resonate with your words, the joy of cultivating and hosting and the twang at feeling sometimes left in the dust. In your online work, Nish, I just want you to know your heart for hospitality is a beautiful thing. I suppose hospitality always poses the risk of vulnerability, of hostile or unwelcome guests, or a space that spins out of control from what you originally created it to be. But even your struggles you handle with grace, and I agree, it’s a hell of a view.
Well, since we are being honest here …
May I confess to you that when A Deeper Story first launched, I was more than a little bit jealous? Ha! It’s true. I looked at the contributor list and saw this AMAZING group of people whom I love and admire and I didn’t want to feel jealous because I wasn’t included, but there it was. Also, sadness. I couldn’t even read it for the first few weeks because it made me sad. For myself. I’m mature like that.
But then God helped me get over myself a little bit (a lot) and the sadness lifted and the jealousy became an eye-rolling memory.
And THEN the timing was right and – who knows? – the Spirit moved in you to ask me and I slipped in to that list and it means so, so, so much to me.
Same thing with the book I’m working on. Girl, do you know how long we shopped that thing around? Do you know the rejection? The disillusionment and disappointment? Gah, talk about sadness. And then we just shelved the whole thing and I surrendered it, but still every time I read of a new book deal … that too, too familiar pang of hurt, rejection, sadness, and envy. It was never more than a breath away. But two YEARS after we shelved it, God saw fit to bring it to publication. Such mystery.
What am I even trying to say here? That I relate to your words on so many levels and we could sit and talk for hours about this, I think. (Preferably in front of your cozy fireplace, coffee in hand.)
God has gifted and empowered you to do Kingdom work where you are – the tricky thing is He prefers it to be played out on His calendar. His timing, I will never understand it. But there is surrender in knowing I don’t have to understand. He has been good to me in walking me through the days of hurt and disappointment, hugging me close as I would hold close one of my own children, giving me a squeeze and whispering in my ear, “I know, baby. I know.”
I am so proud to know you, to call you friend, and to be part of the incredible work that you engineer. That IS gifting and I pray you will know that your work is changing lives.
Thanks for being so honest and awesome, Megan. Your authenticity is admirable.
For the record, I remember having similar sentiments when A Deeper Story rolled out.
P.S. Can’t wait to read the official announcement when your book debuts.
Thank you for putting this into words, Nish. I’m right there with you, trying to be happy for everyone, battling my inner jealous demons at the same time, wondering if I’m trying to do something I shouldn’t.
This is so real. I have the bad habit of checking page hits far too regularly, obsessing over details that need not be worried about. I need to learn to write my heart, and allow that to be enough.
Thank you for this.
NIsh. I feel you. My life seems to be clearing the runway for flyer after flyer. They just keep showing up. I could turn aside and focus on my own “flights.” But, like you, I think what I do best is give people what they need to truly take off, a sense of opportunity and safety and timing. And you know, more satisfying to me than anything I might write and twelve people read, is the sense that I in some way genuinely gave another a push and a little encouragement that he/she could, should…write, create, initiate important work and live well and powerfully.
I want you to know that I think one of the most important things to arise of late is Deeper Story. It is releasing and realigning. It matters in a way I cannot well relay. But, I think the call and response of a generation ( or two) is being profoundly propagated through this space you saw need to set aside, guard, fertilize and water for seeds yet unrecognized, even unrealized to germinate and bear fruit.
In this world, there is much writing, many works being constructed. Some of them may do some good. But, one cannot read Deeper Story, on any given day, and not confess to God being so obviously at work among those of us who both write and read… and somehow dwell together there- in that space- with Him.
Thank you.
Megan, you wrote my exact heart out already so I hardly know what to say.
I can only say this from my perspective, Nish: Thank you and also that I love you. Somehow you and I found each other a year ago and I was one of those total unknowns that you gave a place to at Deeper Story. And it was through my wrestling with what I read there and my own writing challenges that I began to really understand writing as art. My husband gives DS almost all of the credit for any notice or good fortune that’s come my way this year, including the book. It would not have happened without the home you built for us and the invitation you gave to me. I am well aware of what I owe to you adn to every other person in our world and keenly aware that there are people that deserve it much more than me. And yet, we can all only say “yes” when the bush flames out. I can’t imagine my life if you hadn’t said “yes” and if you don’t hear it enough, oh, thank you, my friend. You’ve become a heart-friend to me, too, and there simply aren’t words for *that* in the least. Love you.
Oh Nish- I totally get how you feel. Except my dreams keep crashing and burning and I’m left wondering if I even understand God’s calling and purpose in my life at all.
I have always seen you as a fearless leader and a passionate encourager…a builder of dreams. Without people like you, others may not see their full potential nor have the courage to even try to fly.
Your Deeper Story journey has truly given me the courage to keep trying until I get it right, until I find that perfect place where my gifts and passion meet.
I think the hardest part of trying to live like Jesus is letting go of our own hopes & dreams, and releasing them to Him…letting Him do what He will. Deeper Story and the writers are impacting thousands of people all over the world…creating safe and challenging conversation, offering beautiful insight, and pushing needed change for our culture and faith. Don’t lose sight of the amazing impact, the amazing reach your little dream is having.
Love you!
That’s a great perspective. Side note- I really wish I had more space to be hospitable. But I really love going to other people’s homes and letting them minister to me in that way
Steph
Nish, you are a superb blessing. I can relate to you, not with online writing stuff, but with community creation here in my nitch of the world – creating groups, places to meet, and watching friendships grow and flourish, friends I once held dear, go off into other places… and it’s the same feeling, and I love that you wrote this, and I just know that everything happens in its time. Cheering you on, Nish, and thankful for all that you do.
Nish,
We’ve never met, but I have heard of you through those you made a space for. I LOVE this thing you have written, because it is simply so unguarded in a generous sort of way. Making a place is an amazing gift, and you probably know better than any that it involves far more than obtaining a domain name…
As I read, it occurred to me that I know a job title for what you have described. It may seem odd, but I would call what you described as being a Pastor.
One who makes a place of caring and safety. One who helps others to find their way, and not just what you wish they would be relative to your universe.
One who provides for, cares for, nurtures and nourishes the souls of others in a way that helps them move down their own path.
One who watches others find their own path because of the place you made for them during the season that you pastor them.
We’ve never met, but I could not be more proud of you for both doing this thing,and for writing about it in such a way that you STILL are making a place for others.
Bob Hamp
That’s a hard lesson. One I keep having to review. One thing I keep coming back to is my love for writing…I’ve been doing this (I’m sure you have too) before blogs, before I even knew what a book proposal was, before the internet brought publishing to my fingertips, so why would I write just for the sake of publishing…for being known? That’s not what drove me to write in the first place, so why should it keep me there?
I appreciate what you do for Deeper Story, this post, and you.
I can so relate… I’m often the cheerleader or “behind-the-scenes” girl, and at times, it’s painful. But to let go of the pain and truly rejoice in being even a small part of something big – to allow God to use the gifts He’s given me to help others do great things for Him. No part is “small” in His story!
I love your attitude. Sometimes it’s hard isn’t it? To sit back and watch others succeed. We all want that affirmation and spotlight at times I think. We’re all needed. Those of us who support and encourage and those who fly. Thank you for the community you have created. I don’t always have time to comment here or on Deeper Story but I am so grateful for you and these places you have created.
If you only knew. Your provision of space for people to be free is priceless to me. You are a rockstar.
Nish, you so nailed it right on the head. Not that I am going through these exact circumstances but these are words that I needed to hear this morning. Thank you so much for sharing them and for opening the space for those to share on The Deeper Story. While I don’t always comment, I do read often and find myself nodding my head sometimes with tears streaming down my face.
I remember seeing you at Blissdom last year, you have no idea how many photos I shot of you that I didn’t upload. I had no idea who you were, but I felt drawn to you and while we didn’t really get to know one another, I just knew there was something about you that I wanted to know more of.
Through instagram I have gotten to know you more from little snippets of your life and I hope that one day when we are in the same place at the same time that we can really get a chance to chat because I have a feeling it will be like chatting with an old friend.
Oh, how I relate to this, Nish! I am the one opening my home, introducing people, listening, asking questions, and then encouraging them as doors are opened up. And still, I wonder and often ask God: when will it be my turn? This year I’ve especially wrestled with the balance between being happy for others, while acknowledging sadness for myself. There’s room for both, I believe. The truth is, the world needs us architects. When the time is right- and there will be a time- the right doors will open for us and we’ll have the gift of hindsight, knowing that it all worked out exactly as it should be. I am grateful to have found you this past year and have learned so much from you and the rest of the Deeper Story writers. Thank you, Nish.
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Beautifully stated, Nish. I have often felt this same way – left behind.
That said, it’s equally wonderful to watch REMARKABLE people achieve remarkable things. I have a feeling that book deals, speaking opportunities, and paid gigs are right around the corner for you. Why? Because you’re a talented woman with strong convictions…and, to use your words, “one hell of” an architect.
Cheering for you!
I can’t even believe it’s been a year since A Deeper Story started. It feels like it’s been going on forever, which in one form or another, it has.
Thank you for all you’ve done to get A Deeper Story off the ground. I truly believe you’ve changed lives by creating a space for people to share their real, raw stories. So many of these stories have touched my heart this year. What you’ve done with it is incredible. Thank you for being faithful to the vision God gave you for this project.
this resonates with me on so many different levels… just know this: i get it. and i love you.
thank you for giving wings to so many, even when it hurts.
Madeline L’Engle was rejected for the entire decade of her thirties. Also once the day before Christmas and once on her 40th birthday.
But I think you already knew that.
Madeline L’Engle was rejected for the entire decade of her thirties. Also once the day before Christmas and once on her 40th birthday.
But I think you already knew that.