I write a lot.
Some of it, I write here. Some of it, I keep to myself. It’s the tough, ugly kind of words that I keep to myself. The vulnerable ones. The words that expose the linings of my heart and bare open my soul.
Last week, I wrote out a few things that I needed to get off my chest. I had the desire and conviction to just be honest… let you all in on me, my life. Wouldn’t you know it, that simple post generated more hits than I’ve seen in weeks. Naturally, that got me thinking.
What is it about authenticity, honesty, and vulnerability that draws us to each other?
Why are we so afraid to share the moments where it feels like we have our faces crushed against the concrete floor with our hearts broken and pride shattered? Why do we feel the need to hide our hurts and burdens, not admit to doubt, and reach out to others for help? Why are we afraid of judgement when we know there’s only One who sits on the throne? Why are we so inclined to hide behind these screens and masks of anonymity and never let people see who we really are? I find this is true everywhere… in the blogosphere, in relationships, in church.
It all started in Eden and I get that. But why are we not making bigger strides and concerted efforts into overcoming the shame? That proverbial “nakedness?”
I’m guilty of putting on the face. The good-intentioned mask of the better version of myself. I wear it everywhere. I wear the clothes that are less comfortable and make me miserable… but they make me look thinner. I wear the mascara to make my eyelashes look longer. I photoshop the scars, I fight to seem knowledgeable and I pretend to have it together.
I’ve come to learn that appearances are rarely what they seem. As I watch, more and more and more masks come off, in all shapes and sizes, I am prompted to do the same. That’s why I post My Confessions. That’s why I’m working towards deeper honesty and vulnerability, trying to tear down the walls that have been built for so long.
Less brick. More windows.
So, here’s a little window into me. No makeup. Laundry piled. Dinner not ready, yet ready for a nap. Behind on my Bible in 90 Days reading. A little bitter that Erik is going on the river again, without me. Haven’t taken a shower in two days. Haven’t exercised in three days.
Why is it that when I give glimpses into who I really am, people come running? Why do things like confessions and honesty and vulnerability draw people towards you?
I think it’s because people want to know they aren’t alone.
We all struggle. A lot of us, with the same stuff. We’re all made of the same stuff. Skin and bones. Eyes and teeth. We come from dust and to dust we shall return.
When a heart is laid bare, it pulls others inward.
We aren’t meant to do this living thing alone. We aren’t meant to struggle alone, keep secrets and hide our true selves.
What is it that YOU hide? What do you not want others to see?
What are you doing to be more honest… with yourself and others?
I have struggled with this one for a while. I am not sure how much is too much to share – then i remind myself why i am writing – for me ultimately. I have started to open up more and put myself out there because by hiding who i am because I am afraid will hinder my writing & that is why i am doing it.
I too wrote a post about how i am not perfect & showed a pic of me without make up. You are beautiful
Nish, this has got to be one of the most beautiful and well articulated posts I’ve ever read. You pin-pointed it exactly. Thank you for being you.
I have being thinking about this very thing lately. Thank you for such a good articulation!
Great post Nish. I think we all are guilty of putting up a facad of sorts in our blogging, e-world. But yes, when I bare my soul and get to the root of my issues, I feel the “community” rise up around me and it’s wonderful and amazing and really what we are all here writing for.
This is beautiful, as are you!! Thank you for sharing and baring it all.
What a great post! Don’t sweat it. The laundry will get done. Dinner will happen at some point. When a person seems to let things go and not stress about it, it makes us feel free-er. Keep it up on the Bible in 90 Days reading. It’s tough. Especially, when you want to shower instead of reading, LOL! I’ve leanred to let go and let God. It seems to happen best that way.
Nicole
I’ve been learning this very thing… trying to let people see ME, not the mask I hide behind. Thanks for sharing!
what a great post! i am so guilty of this. my blog was meant to be honest and detailed about the real issues in my life. the more readers i got, the more afraid i became of speaking my mind, and fearing that i would hurt someone’s feelings. thank you so much for writing this, Nish! it really helps me rethink what my blog is supposed to be about.
Just found you & am inspired by your confessions. When I get home from vacation I plan on blogging some confessions of my own.
thanks!
I struggle with my loneliness, more often then anybody thinks! I love it up here, and there is only so much my little dog can do to keep me from being lonely.
I truly miss my kids, having a houseful and cooking for them, cleaning for them and even, yes, doing their laundry!
I hate going out without my game face on! makeup that is!
I really, really hate confrontation… I didn’t used to, but now? ohhh I shy away from it at all times! I can’t seem to speak my mind or get my mouth to work when I need to, so, I just run the other way.
The hardest thing for me? is growing old… I will be 53 this Sept, and remembering when I was your age, wow, that’s old!
I have a lot of self doubt, and self assurance and I hide that as well. Always working on being a better person… and always will!
The one thing you will learn from me, is I am honest… always try to be honest and I think I have given this lesson too all my kids…
See you tomorrow my sweet! GREAT POST!!!
I am loving this post. It shows you are like everyone else. Everyone else feels just like you. You are just being real. This is real life. I have struggled with this myself and I know I need to be more real. So thank you for opening up to us.